(Adapted from the published adventure “Into the Idiot Box”
by Jason Keeley)
Magni, the youngest son of the Norse God Thor, had been at this ‘Academy’ encampment for a couple of weeks now and no longer required Chris’ to act as his guide to show him around. This was certainly an ‘unusual’ place. The youths taught here, including himself, were expected to wear similar clothing to each other regardless of their sex and, as in Asgard, females and males were taught together with both sexes clearly allowed to become bards, warriors, and leaders.
Having viewed and participated in the Down Below arena, he also realised that at least some other ‘students’ were clearly witches or demigods themselves, going by the powers some of them exhibited while training.
There was also casual magic in daily use all around them, such as the horseless chariots and metal dragons that flew backwards through the sky. It was the things that the natives of this version of Midgard took for granted, that he found most miraculous. They had something they called ‘Tele-Vis-Eon’ for example; a type of large scrying mirror that even the uninitiated could use to see the many miracles of this world. They even had personal versions they carried around with them called ‘mob-isles’ that seemed to dominate their waking lives. The food was also a miracle; meats cooked or prepared in such a way that it was tender and fully cooked all the way through, served with edible roots and vegetables from all over the world and apparently available all year round! Then there were their sweet-tasting desserts! He especially liked the solid brown honey they called shokkulaðit.
That were the true wonders of this place, not the flying toddler and her airborne watchers or that purple-skinned Vættir, the dragonfly-winged youth he’d seen hovering in the dining room! He did miss his mead though.
The school part of the day was over and he was walking along the main hall towards the gymnasium and the side entrance to the sports fields and the dormitory buildings on the opposite side of them. There weren’t many students around, less than half a dozen in total.
The only one he immediately recognised was the one who was called Cadet in the Down Below and Colin Duncan in the encampment above. Although Colin kept his other identity secret, it hadn’t been difficult to identify that both were the same person; both anointed themselves with the same oils and scents when they washed and they both shared the same accent and a pattern to their speech that was unique, despite the myriad of accents of the various inhabitants gathered here.
This ‘Cadet’, this Colin Duncan, was indeed a great warrior. Why anyone wouldn’t want to be recognised as such by everyone was beyond him. Surely all warriors wanted their true name spoken with pride by his tribe and in fear by his enemies and not just be known by a title? It was beyond his comprehension.
Other students joined them in the corridor, including some he knew by sight and reputation. Then he saw one of the young girls in front of him, a youngster with white streaks in her hair, suddenly rise into the air, screaming in pain, her arms outstretched as though invisibly crucified as she began to float, kicking and crying, towards the fire exit.
Colin looked up and saw the second year student, Andrea Avery rise into the air. She was the girl that he’d seen the Pryde student genuflect in front of, when they had first arrived at the school.
He quickly looked around. He needed to investigate and stop whatever was going on but couldn’t risk doing so as Cadet as also present in the corridor were the bully Ces’ Morgan, and his girlfriend and first-class Bitch, Angel Summerville. Also present was Zoe Deren, a Sixth Year student reporter on the school newspaper and lastly young Bethany Dalton who’d been walking with Andrea until a few seconds before.
Magni’s mystical hammer, Aesir, was usually kept in his domicile, close to the open window when he was in lessons so it was a matter of a second for him to raise his hand and summon it (hoping that it would reach him without having to demolish any walls or windows enroute.) He tore loose the ‘tie’, the cloth ‘noose’ the teachers insisted he wore when at school, as he tried to figure out what was happening to the young female floating in the air.
It was clear that Andrea was not in control of her flight as she sped down the corridor towards the closed fire exit at the far end. As though in preparation for her, the double doors swung open, seemingly of their own volition and an alarm sounded. This was followed by a wall-mounted fire extinguisher suddenly activating, spraying foam over the floor between him and the seemingly captive Andrea.
Ces’ began shouting that he hadn’t known that she was also a ‘bloody mutie’, even as Angel started screaming and rushed to try to find a nearby open classroom to hide in. Zoe, always the reporter, was scrabbling in her bag, presumably for her phone so she could video what was happening.
Bethany turned and shouted at them both, “Well, do something. She needs help now.”
The two of them could feel a wind coming from either side of Andrea even though they were indoors, like a draft caused by invisible wings, possibly? Colin looked down and saw that the foam on the ground was billowing towards them as though being blown down the corridor by the same wind.
He hurdled over the foam, landing on the other side even as he elected to try to get in front of Audrey intending to cut off her exit by closing the fire doors. Instead, he bounced off an invisible ‘wall’, which felt leathery and muscular. The ‘wall’ moved, violently pushing him backwards. Whatever it was, it apparently filled the full width of the corridor. He braced himself and tried to run up, and bounce off, the walls intending to get above and over the barrier. He cleared the object on the ground, whatever it was, only to hit another higher object near the roof, causing him to fall backwards. He somersaulted around even as he fell, so as to land back on his feet. He realised that he had to have hit a second invisible object, one that was capable of independent movement.
Magni took all this in as he confirmed to himself that the girl struggling in the air and screaming her head off was clearly being held captive by something as she hurdled through the air towards the fire exit. This did not appear to be normal even for such a weird place like this. Then, by the fire door, he saw a small, familiar, white haired female appear out of nowhere. It was the same witch that had captured and then exiled Firewall and him back to Asgard during Ragnarök.
Magni pointed at her and shouted, “We will have words, witch!” as his hammer slammed into his hand. He began to run towards her only to run into the same invisible barrier that Colin had. As he did so, he felt something sharp scrape down his arms, tearing at his shirtsleeves and drawing blood even as something also bite his chest, leaving two prominent and bleeding bite-marks. He was forced to step back. “Invisible hounds? That felt like a beast’s teeth,” he muttered aloud. He responded by swinging his hammer by its strap, even as he unleashed a blast of lightning at the witch. Lightning forked out from the head of his hammer towards her, lighting up the corridor and causing the corridor lights to momentarily fail, before the emergency lighting took over. A millisecond before the lightning was due to strike its target though, the energy turned into a cloud of fireflies, which fluttered away leaving her untouched. All she’d done to achieve this metamorphosis had been to wiggle the six fingers on her left hand! The godlike figure smiled, “Naughty, naughty, attacking Aité! Play the game.” Magni snarled, “I want to play games with you, witch!” She smiled again, “Not a witch, before Loki, I was. I am Aité, the original goddess of mischief, little demi-god, and I will choose the games we play, not you.”
Colin, however, was focused on rescuing Andrea. He was sure something was holding her in the air, actually things, plural, as he was sure there were separate winged beings on either side of her, holding her by her outstretched arms. He’d encountered an invisible winged being once before in the school – the bat-like thing that he’d thought had been some sort of gremlin. He reached inside his bag for his grapnel gun, secret identity be damned, and unleashed it off to one side of Andrea’s dangling, floating body. The hook clearly hit something mid-air and tangled around it. In response, it materialised, confirming his theory as he saw the bat-like face, red eyes glare at him in anger as he saw the cable had tangled round one of its leathery wings causing it difficulty flying but not enough to bring it down. In fact, he felt himself being pulled off the ground as it tried to escape.
It dropped its hold on Andrea’s arms, pulled out a small metallic cylinder from a concealed pouch beneath it other wing and aimed it at Colin, whereupon it erupted towards him even as Colin tugged at the cable so that the missile hit the wall instead, peppering him with fragments of plaster. Despite their look, they were clearly not primitive creatures.
Materialising, Magni saw another of the creatures appear beside the witch, this one different from the other because it wore body armour and his wing tips were fully formed secondary hands. It flew straight at him, screeching loudly. He felt his ears begin to hurt as it unleashed some form of sonic attack. Magni shrugged off the attack by covering his ears even as Colin scrabbled in his pockets and shoved something in his own. How many of these creatures were there? Two had materialised, How many more of them were there, still invisible?
Colin tried to reel in his grapnel cable and succeeded in pulling the gremlin free from Andrea and slamming it into the ground in front of him, leaving her screaming in even more pain as she was now dangling by just one arm, still held up by her still-invisible abductor.
The other, still partially bound, hurled itself towards him, intending to rend him with its claws. Colin spun the cable round while pulling it, causing his would-be attacker to stumble and crash into the floor in front of him. He immediately swirled the remaining cable round the body and legs as he scrambled inside his bag for a replacement grapnel cartridge and instead found his bolo.
Magni shouted, “Ignore the distractions, we need to take the witch out.” He pushed his way through and ran towards Aité, swinging his hammer, intending to smack her unconscious if possible. The hammer swung true and hit her in the face, only for it to pass straight through her head as though it was smoke and accidentally hit himself in the shoulder, spinning him round. As he did so, he realised she was now standing behind him, but how? Her smile infuriated him. “Damn your trickery, witch!” he shouted as he tried to regain his balance only to feel two invisible creatures clamber over him and try to drag him to the ground.
He forced himself free of their invisible grip and responded by grabbing them both, aimed at the source of their fishy breath and unleashed his lightning touch on them. For a second he saw their skeletons lit up – it didn’t stun them completely but did send them flying backwards as the electrical blast earthed through them. That’s when he saw that the other students were still present and watching them. Damn, he knew the teachers had rules about showing powers in front of those without; a rule that the two of them had now breached. Nothing he could do about it for now. He turned, and to his surprise, standing by the open fire door was yet another student, a youngster who, for some reason, seemed to be being ignored by Aité.
Colin realised that it was Nikki Reilly from year one. He knew her because she’d been the kid that had fallen into a mysterious coma only to waken up with a bit of a personality change and had been acting strangely of late. What was she doing here and why did the witch look at her with such annoyance yet also appeared to accept and even acknowledge her presence? There was yet another mystery here, but was it connected?
The winged figure in the armour pulled two large cylinders with blinking red lights on them from between his wings and proceeded to stick them to the wall on either side of the corridor; between Colin and Magni, the captive Andrea and Aité then pressed something on them that made them start to beep faster and faster.
The other creatures turned and started to fly towards the fire door, with the two that had tried to attack Magni grabbing hold of Andrea and flying her outside into the open. Behind them, the other students were also fleeing, being ‘encouraged’ to do so by a potty-mouthed, screaming Bethany.
Only the gremlin, ‘gift-wrapped’ in the cable, was left behind with Colin. Magni stood between the fire door and the remaining horde of gremlins, both visible and invisible and of course the girl.
Cadet tried to deactivate one of the cylinders and rip one of the cylinders free of the wall but failed. He turned and unleashed his bolo at one of the creatures trying to fly Andrea away. It wrapped around its legs and dangled down but failed to stop its flight. Magni saw what happened and, ignoring everything else, he unleashed his hammer at the creature still entangled in the bolo even as he jumped up intending to grab and protect the girl as she hopefully fell free. As he hoped the hammer flew true, and suddenly the girl began to drop, the other gremlins seemingly unprepared for her being dropped by their companion. Magni grabbed her in mid-air, wrapped her in his arms as he tried to protect her both from the fall and from any attempt by the other creatures to grab her again. He succeeded and slammed into the ground as he tried to protect her from any further injury.
Now he just had to get her somewhere safe and somehow he doubted the two cylinders the creatures had left behind were there for a good reason. He needed to get her away to somewhere safe. Meanwhile, he felt the gremlin’s claws rake at his back as he held the girl tight and try to get to his feet while sheltering her from the attacks.
He heard the witch mutter, “Ugh! So predictable!” even as he found himself paralysed. Only his eyes still functioned as he tried to track and scan the others. Everything hung motionless, frozen in space and time, unable to move. Then the walls began to ripple like the tracking lines on an old magnetic VHS tape. Aité stepped towards them, gestured with her six-fingered hand and an oversized television remote appeared out of the thin air. She jabbed at the hundreds of buttons with her other hand. “Seen this played out before and frankly, the original was better than your uninspired reboot! Ah, with the cosmic Wi-Fi down, thanks to the Watcher’s unwarranted interference, I can’t access my favourite universes.”
She floated up closer to Magni. “Have you seen the one where the theme park robots break free? So good!” She flew towards Colin and began to loop the frozen in-place figure. “I’ve been so bored of late… So, go entertain me.” As she spoke, the world around them turned to static.
As it faded, they found their surroundings had changed, replaced by a huge living room with outdated furniture, an overstuffed settee, a dining table, an old-fashioned TV in a wooden cabinet and a set of stairs.
Present with them were the other students, standing with glazed eyes. Only Andrea and Nikki were seemingly missing. They looked up and there was no ceiling above, only a lighting rig covered in row after row of spotlights. A sparking glittering curtain of energy separated them onstage from everywhere else.
Music sounded as though from nowhere as the lights flared into life and a peal of soulless laughter rung out as if from the darkness opposite. As the two of them turned, they heard a deep, male voice say, “Stay Tooned is filmed in front of a live studio audience,” For a second or two they saw their audience, row after row of faceless but animated figures staring back. There were several cameras in front of them staffed by gremlins and standing just behind them was Aité and, even more surprisingly, young Nikki, both just watching them.
Aité said, “Now this might be fun! Let’s see how you cope with a sitcom.”
They tried to move but were again frozen in place. The unseen voice over continued its introduction, “Playing the part of the father of the family, Greg Tilson, a high school science teacher with a passion for home electronics is Cadet.” As he paused, his clothes began to change into casual clothes apparently suitable for the character. For some weird reason he was holding an old-fashioned satellite dish. Best play along, for now at least.
The voice-over continued as each of the characters changed their clothes instantaneously to match their character.
“The uptight mother, Karen Tilson, will be played by Bethany Dalton. Starring as the precocious eight-year-old son, Timmy will be Magni Thorson, best friend of Jaxxer, while Grandma Agnes will be played by Zoe Deren and daughter Samantha, the hip and groovy pre-med student, Samantha will be played by Angel Summerville and of course we have the show’s ‘cat’s meow’, Jaxxer Jaguar playing himself.
Also starring as nosey neighbour Mr McGillicudy tonight will be, Ces’ Morgan. Let the show begin…”
Aité interrupted to tell them, “You have twenty-five minutes to entertain me. So Stay TOONED!”
In their ears they heard a voice explain, “In tonight’s episode, Jaxx the seafood-obsessed cartoon Jaguar, has called into a local radio station and won a contest for a year’s supply of family-sized anchovy pizzas. He accidentally agreed to take part in a publicity photoshoot at the Tilson’s home with the DJ’s and refuses to cancel for fear of losing all that ‘lovely ‘zza’, despite the risk of his being discovered and outed as an anthropomorphic toon.
As it finished speaking, a one-metre-tall cartoon figure, catlike, appeared on the stairs and waved as the ‘audience’ went nuts, waving back and cheering, then the lights dimmed.
Everyone else vanished off the stage leaving Cadet and Magni standing alone in the middle of the room as the lights came back on. A second later Zoe walked in dressed in a cardigan and pretending to be an old woman, leaning on a walking stick.
She walked over and patted Magni on the top of his head as though he was a little boy, “Have you been a good boy for gran, young Timmy?” she croaked then stumbled over to the sofa and sat down opposite them. Then the doorbell rang. She spoke again, “Timmy, why aren’t you answering the door?” A confused Magni looked at her, muttered, “Sure, Grandmother” and rushed over to open the door to reveal Ces’ dressed in very unfashionable casual clothes… He immediately pushed his way past and into the house as though on some sort of mission of discovery.
“You haven’t got any pets in the house, have you?” This was obviously intended as a catchphrase and again the faceless audience laughed, though this time it was mixed with the occasional groan.
He continued, “I just got the strangest urge to ask you if you have a puma in the house.” A confused Magni muttered “Pass, why ask me I’m only an eight-year-old, apparently.” Ces’ patted him on the cheek as he replied, “Now is that any way to respond to your favourite neighbour?” and tried to push past him, an effort that failed as Magni refused to be moved aside.
Ces’ continued, his eyes still glazed, “I’ve just come over to see if I can, um, ah borrow some sugar!” he announced triumphantly. “A cup of sugar. I’m making a cake. You’d not deny me some sugar, would you?” as he started looking around as though looking for something in particular.
Getting into the spirit of things, Colin laughed and replied, “No, your very welcome neighbour” even as Bethany came through from the kitchen with a teacup and handed it over. Magni smiled and muttered, “Yes, any time neighbour,” as he held the door open for ‘McGillicudy’. Instead, he walked over peering into the kitchen even as he grabbed the cup out of Bethany’s hand.
“No!” muttered Zoe as Grandma and tried to get to her feet even as from the stairs they could hear another voice apparently speaking on the phone. Magni turned and saw Jaxxer walking down the steps, a phone about the size of a brick in his claws, nodding enthusiastically as again the audience burst into apparently spontaneous cheering. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He said over the phone, “It’s 144 Maple Street. See you this afternoon, and don’t forget all the beauutiful liddle fishies!” He looked down, saw McGillicudy and immediately vanished leaving the oversized phone on the step. A second too late Ces’ turned, “I thought I heard something,” he muttered.
From a much-too-small grill in the wall a voice said, “No-ones here but us Cat’s Meow!” Whatever this thing was, it was obviously capable of toonish theatrics when it felt like it.
Ces’ spun round, scattering half the cup of sugar into the air as he asked, “Who said that? Who said that? I’m sure you’ve got an illegal wild animal in this house!” Magni shrugged his shoulders, not really sure what was going on but willing to follow along anyway. Bethany walked over and gently shoved the neighbour out the door with a quiet, “You’ll need to get back to your baking I expect. Take care not to spill any more sugar now!” and closed the door.
She then turned to Magni, “You will need to keep Jaxxer under cover. We mustn’t let anyone find out what he is.” even as Jaxxer reappeared on the stairs and explained excitedly that he had just called the local radio station and he’d won a year’s supply of anchovy pizza! As he mentioned anchovies he began to rub his tummy and his pupils morphed into little swimming fish. He explained that the show’s DJ’s, Magic Max and the Belch, would be delivering his prize that afternoon along with a photographer to get some publicity shots. As he explained, he manifested a giant comb from nowhere and proceeded to brush the fur of his head back, Elvis-style.
“Not a good idea” said Colin.
Jaxxer stopped mid-step, his foot still outstretched in the air… as a lightbulb appeared over his head and slowly dimmed before exploding into twinkly dust. “Oh!” it said, “I see, taking photos means they will see me! Uh-oh!” as he began panicking and bouncing around the studio set like a mad thing.
Colin and Magni got the definite impression that no one was supposed to know that Jaxxer existed. Catching on, Magni said, Okay, right so this is the story right?” Suddenly all the characters froze in place as Aité said, “Stick to the script, no more asides to the audience or to yourselves or you’ll regret it!” and suddenly everything unfroze again with the laughter continuing as though there hadn’t been any interruption.
Suddenly the other ‘family’ members appeared each monotonously speaking their lines, asking what to do next and agreeing that they had to cancel the photo-op.
Suddenly Jaxxer’s head appeared on an elongated neck thrust into the middle of the ‘family’ discussion. “Well, that’s out of the question” it bellowed, “I won the oh so beautiful ‘zza’s fair and square!” even as steam bellowing for its ears, He began to beg for his anchovy pizzas, even as great big watery tears streamed from his enlarged, begging, pitiful eyes and drenched everyone.
“So how do you intend to collect the prize?” enquired Magni. Jaxxer shook its head in despair. “They’ll be here in ten minutes, S.M.P. folks – Save My Pizzas! Somebody needs to be ME, impossible as it might be to be so wonderful and charismatic I know. I bask in my own glory and marvel! Nobody can be as beautiful as me, but you gotta try. A Years’ Supply, folks – of wonderful anchovies, lots and lots and lots of little fishy’s, for me!”
Magni smiled, “That’s true, someone needs to be you, but do they need to look like you?” Jaxxer’s head spun round 180 degrees as it bellowed, “No, No, they could be normal and just claim my prize. No one else must know that I exist!” “So why enter the contest in the first place?” asked Magni. “Hello! Anchovies! AN-CHOV-IES; a year’s supply of little fishy pizza just for little ol’ me! Snacky, snacky, snacky!” was the response.
Magni continued, ignoring the outburst. “So we have a few minutes left before one of us has to pretend to be you.” as he began to quiz the cartoon about what it had revealed of himself on radio…
After a full two minutes of Jaxxer explaining how he’d stated he was just so, so wonderful, Magni acknowledged to the audience that the description didn’t fit any of them but…
The door rang. Even as an angry Aité again froze everything to scream at them to avoid comments and asides aimed at the audience that this “wasn’t the era of breaking the fourth wall or meta-humour, stick to the SCRIPT!” and resumed reality.
“What script?” muttered Colin. “Everyone’s a critic,” replied Magni. As if in response scorecards appeared in the audiences’ hands all showing zeroes or ones and two’s. He couldn’t help notice her fingers had wiggled just before the scorecards had appeared.
They answered the door and there was the radio station’s PR manager. They introduced Colin as Jaxxer and agreed, yes that it was an unusual name. Jaxxer didn’t help, appearing behind everyone every time his name was spoken, and of course Ces’ as McGillicudy reappeared several times demanding to initially borrow a cup of dates (“March the 15th, January the third “shouted a concealed Jaxxer from behind the door) as Ces’ started asking who their visitor was before Timmy slammed the door closed on him. He subsequently returned a couple more times to borrow a hogshead of mead and possibly a few hundred Himalayan hooting yams for his cake before declaring a need to use their oven. Each time he just failed to see Jaxxer appear out of small cupboard drawers or from inside an envelope, though he couldn’t fail to hear his snarky comments and his demands for the ‘lovely, lovely fishes!”.
This continued after the PR manager returned with the two DJs and photographer. They carried with them a gift voucher and a large anchovy pizza for the photoshoot.
They wanted the ‘lucky winner, ‘Jaxxer’, to be photographed taking a bite out of the stinkiest fish-head covered pizza, while a concealed jaguar protested at the possible loss as he screamed out “I’m the cat’s meow” every time his name was said aloud.
Magni suggested they take the photo outside in the garden, only to be told it was raining. “But your hair was dry when you came in?” he responded.
Aité again froze the show to shout at him that the show had no budget for a garden, so the situation had to be resolved in the living room and she’d get her revenge on him for his disruptions to her viewing. The show again restarted with Jaxxer trying to sneak around trying to steal the anchovy topping before being grabbed and folded up then stuffed under Magni’s jumper.
In the end, an exhausted Colin escaped having to eat a slice after ‘Timmy’ saved him by supposedly throwing a full-blown tantrum about him being allowed to eat outside of mealtimes when the rest of the family weren’t and granny would be so upset if he did (and sneaking Jaxxer a slice to stop him from clawing his way free). Instead, Colin survived the photoshoot of him just holding a slice without him vomiting on the fumes and with Jaxxer, his mouth full, staying quiet until after the photos were taken.
They had got through the show without Jaxxer being revealed, though no thanks to the zany cat!
Ces’ had continued to return, demanding to borrow more and more exotic ingredients and in the end, Bethany as Granny elected to get ‘tiny Timmy’ to bodily eject Ces’ again and slam the door on him. The end music began to play as they looked over at a smiling Aité and her sullen, seemingly unwanted, companion Nikki even as the static lines reappeared, and they found everything going dark.
As the view cleared, they appeared to have traded in the studio for some sort of futuristic ship’s deck, not unlike those shown in Star Trek-inspired Sci-Fi shows. It seemed as though the witch or goddess wasn’t yet done playing with them yet.
There was no obvious studio around them this time though Cadet was sure that something invisible moved amongst them. A sign on the wall behind Bethany’s chair (or throne given it was raised above all the other workstations) read that this was the colony ship Constellation, its mission to find a new home for the survivors of whatever disaster must have befallen the Earth in episode one.
Consoles and ramps surrounded modernistic chairs facing towards a wide view screen showing a rotating, reddish-brown planet. Flashing and beeping control panels covered every surface, each displaying nonsense symbols. They and the other pupils all wore one-piece jumpsuits. To Colin’s dismay, his was blood-red in colour, while Magni’s costume was blue and marked him as chief engineer Conor O’Dooley. The other students were all seated behind consoles pressing various flashing lights, which were accompanied by various chirps, ‘fweeps’ or ‘beep-boop’ sounds.
Bethany, dressed in a blue jumpsuit, sat in the command chair as Zoe informed them that, “We’re approaching the class-7 planet we picked up on long-range scanners, Captain. A faceless figure sitting next to her spoke up, “sensors are picking up a cloud of EM interference that’s come out of nowhere…” and to Magni and Colin’s surprise all the crew on the deck started to simultaneously throw themselves back and forth or stagger about as though the ship’s was being hit. Suddenly they all froze in place as they heard Aité’s voice over the ship’s comms system, “No, no! I need this to be more science-fictionary!” and suddenly everything was shuddering and being bounced around for real, staggering everyone. Colin copied the others, while Magni felt himself being grabbed and physically shaken by two invisible beings in sync with the others. He tried to hit out but they dropped him and moved away as Magni shouted, “Raise the shield!” It was his voice but not his words being spoken.
He started pressing random buttons on the console in front of him. He’d seen them do something similar on a ‘Tele-Vis-Eon’ show the day before. The console in front of him suddenly exploded sending one of the faceless crew cascading across the floor. Magni jerked himself back… “These are mighty sparks!” In response, he heard a female voice whisper in his ear, “No. That doesn’t sound techie enough, but don’t worry we’ll fix it in editing!”
Colin ran over, grabbed the ship’s steering handles and began twisting them from side to side, as he apparently ‘navigated’ the ship through whatever was supposedly affecting their flight.
The bombardment stopped and he heard one of the faceless Ensigns say, “Orbit achieved, I assume you’d like an away team of senior officers to gather in the shuttle bay, Captain? Sensors have identified a big enough deposit of Bitumacite crystals to power the ship’s drives for the next few months.”
Then Zoe spoke up, though it wasn’t her voice that came out of her mouth. “Might need to hurry Captain, a ship has just exited hyperspace in the system. Its power signature is of the Kzar-class Andromedan battlecruiser, the Ebon Knife. It looks as though Commandant Zaragloom has caught up with us again. We lack sufficient Bitumacite power crystals onboard to escape, unless we can find enough on the planet below and fast, Captain.” Bethany muttered, “Make it so. First Mate Li…” pointing at Colin, “You’re in charge of the away team. You’re going to be up against the clock this time, Henry.”
The scene shifted to a reddish-brown desert. A boxy shuttle craft parked behind them as Magni found himself holding some form of spear with a flashing device on the non-sharp end that rendered it useless as a throwing weapon. He supposed he was supposed to ram it into the ground for some reason.
Hundreds of quartz rocks lay scattered around the surface, supposedly these bitchy–thingies, which apparently made mining unnecessary, which would speed up the collection. Angel as Security Chief Navikoff, was dressed in green Colin noticed. Did the colour of their uniforms indicate who was an expendable character, he wondered?
On the nearby hill, Aité and again Nikki appeared, watching them trying to figure out what to do next.
He noticed how carefully the faceless were handling the rocks, as apparently they were liable to explode. They now had to figure out which were safe to be moved but how?
Colin heard Magni shout “Activate scanners!” – He’d heard one of the faceless say something similar earlier and as he spoke the sleeve cuff on his costume flared into life and beeped as he waved it around. Worse, his hammer hanging at his side glowed as his arm passed over some of the rocks but not others and they responded with some of them glowing in response. What did it mean? Were they the rock’s that were likely to explode, if touched?
He turned to Colin, “Using your witchery or ‘science’, can you figure out which are likely to explode?” He pointed to one of the glowing rocks, “I’d assume they are responding because those are the ones we need.” He looked closer and saw the other rocks had a concealed wire running from them under the bare soil. Booby-trapped he assumed, as he picked up one of the glowing rocks instead and began to load it into the shuttle.
One of the faceless approached him, “First officer, The Andromedan ship has now entered orbit forcing the Constellation to flee back into the EM field. The Amdromedans are teleporting warriors to the surface.”
As if in response, several cyborgs, all identical and covered in full armour, appeared on the crest of the hill, ignoring both Aité and Nikki as they began marching towards them. Leading them was Ces’ now dressed in armour and with his face covered in bits of foam and make-up to make him look more alien, apparently. He was smiling and pointing a laser rifle right at them. He had to be in love with this new channel as he got a cyborg army, while they got lasers aimed at their heads.
The cyborgs started marching towards them. Colin started ordering the faceless and the other students with them to continue collecting the glowing rocks and load them onboard the shuttle, while they focused on defending them against the cyborgs.
The crew hurried to load as many of the glowing rocks as they could, even as one of the laser blasts hit the front of the shuttle. The ship suddenly powered down as smoke billowed from the engine compartment and an enormous amount of noise emitted from the apparently damaged engine.
Another task for them to resolve. They had to fix their now disabled ship apparently as the cyborgs and Ces’ advanced towards them.
Cadet responded by grabbing and tossing an exploding rock towards them. It hit and several figures were sent flying by the explosion, A-Team style, while none of them were shown as being actually injured.
To prove it, one of the cyborgs stood up and fired back, unsurprisingly missing. Magni was firing Aesir at the explosive rocks time after time causing them to explode like mines. Again, the cyborgs went flying through the air. He again unleashed Aesir on another rock as he was almost grabbed by the nearest cyborg. Ces’ used his laser rifle to explode a rock close to Magni in response, forcing him to dive in front of the shuttle as he was peppered by fragments from the exploding rock. He needed to get the engines back online as he dodged another laser blast that singed his uniform.
This bitch-thingy stuff exploded like Greek fire, so he focused on unleashing lightning from the recently merged hammer at the rocks. Now to figure out how to get out of there! He knew nothing about fixing magical chariots but then again it was likely the actor he’d replaced didn’t either. If he was right, he just had to look as though he knew what he was doing. He popped the hatch, stuck his hands inside and touched a number of cables before loudly proclaiming that the engines were back online.
It worked, he was rewarded with a humming sound from the shuttle. Cadet meanwhile pulled out his Bo staff, springing its length out from its handle. It should be high-tech enough to satisfy Aité, he thought as he charged at Ces’ first. He shouted for ‘O’Dooley’ to “get the engines started!” as he tried to whirl the staff and knocked Ces’ to the ground, leaving him dazed. Before he could follow through, he found himself slipping on the loose shale back down the slope.
Magni ran round to the entrance to the ship and began to hustle everyone to get onboard. Again, he unleashed lightning at the exploding rocks nearest to the cyborgs and was rewarded with seeing them go flying through the air. To his disgust, his crew were also firing back but failed to hit any of the opposition.
Meanwhile, Cadet couldn’t help feel as though he was being dragged down the hill by one of the invisible gremlins grabbing his foot. He pulled it free and headed back to the shuttle as fast as he could with Magni exploding rocks using Aesir to provide covering fire. Ces’ fired at him as he fled but thankfully missed.
Taking off, with Colin acting as designated pilot, he was forced to evade the blockade of fighter ships then head towards the Constellation, which was taking extensive fire from the Andromedan’s ship, the Ebon Blade.
The scene suddenly switched to showing them exiting the shuttle, which was now docked in the Constellation’s shuttle bay. They began to unload the crystals and put them on a hover trolley (in reality Cadet was sure it was being carried by invisible gremlins) before it was pushed out the door supposedly to head towards the engine room, even as again everyone was bucked around as though the ship was taking fire. This time the whole bay was being physically shaken and bounced around, making it difficult to stay on their feet.
Bethany’s voice came over the ship comms telling them to load the bitumacite into the engines and make ready for a fast departure. A few seconds later, they watched as a model of the ship exited space through a swirly hole in space.
Before they could respond, the two of them found themselves standing in a sports arena apparently participating in a rugby match against a team of cartoon animals. Colin was sure that Aité was displaying a recurring theme here. Again they were surrounded by an audience of the faceless and again the goddess of mischief and Nikki were to be seen in one of the viewing boxes.
Rushing towards him was a myriad of animal-themed toons and the ball was at their feet. Colin picked up the ball and tried to somersault over them only to be tackled in the air. He threw the ball back towards Magni.
Magni had never seen a rugby match before and to his surprise his teammate had just thrown the leather ‘inflated pig’s bladder’ towards him. He grabbed it anyway and rushed into the enemy running towards him, gleefully hitting out at all and sundry. The only human amongst them appeared to be Ces’ – he ran at him and tried to clothesline him. To his surprise, Magni found his feet had got stuck in the mud and his swing missed Ces’ nose by a centimetre. The opposition slammed into him and the ball slipped from his hands.
Their own team of animal toons were now actively building a physical ‘brick’ wall out of thin air in front of the posts, as Magni tried to make sense of the rules before realising there weren’t any. Cadet rushed in, grappled Ces’, causing him to fly backwards and into the air. Magni caught him and hit him in the face while whispering, “I don’t like bullies!” The blow knocked him unconscious. Magni realised that really needed to be more gentle with mere humans. He tossed the ball to Cadet then ladled into the very cute bunny toon trying to tackle him. The bunny collapsed, bluebirds flying round its head as Colin recovered the ball. He scored the necessary try by using his grapnel to fly over the giraffe and gorilla toons, towards the goal before dropping down and scoring the winning try even as someone screamed a reminder that he had to “Plant the all on the ground, not over the post, on the ground!”
As he raised the ball in triumph, the field vanished.
As the static faded again, the first thing they felt was the oppressive humidity soaked their bodies. Then the smell of aftershave and stale coffee washed over them. They were standing in the middle of a bustling police bullpen wearing bright t-shirts under pastel blazers and mirrored sunglasses as uniformed American-style police officers moved between desks. Aité and Nikki stood behind the booking desk at the far end of the room, watching them as before. A sweating, pudgy man in rolled up shirtsleeves slammed a folder down in front of them both. His face was red with anger as he screamed, “Well you two jokers got the bust but you also blew half the damn Tampa harbour! I ought to suspend you both but after saving the Mayor’s daughter you get one more chance!”
Apparently, they were now detectives in Tampa PD before the country’s period of isolation had been enacted. A seemingly disembodied voice in their ears informed them that Magni was Detective Chase Cruz, a loose cannon character while Colin was a ‘play it by the book’ rookie Detective, Jake ‘Shep’ Shepherd… Magni, who had yet to watch a police drama, had to wonder what a Police or detective were!
Going by the nameplate on his desk, the man lecturing them was Captain Torres. He continued, “The loss of his latest drug consignment puts us closer to arresting the Cayman than ever before. His capture is now our highest priority. Don’t screw this up, I don’t want to see any showboating, just good, clean police work.” As the two of them turned to leave, he continued, “Oh, and try and keep the citizen’s safe.” He clapped his hands as though to dismiss them both, “Now get out and get back to work!”
Next to their desks (identifiable by the nameplates on the desktops), was a whiteboard with a photo of Ces’ dressed in a large furry coat that was made of Himalayan Yak’s fur over a large-shouldered jacket, no shirt beneath only a necklace, apparently made of alligator teeth. He was the city’s drug kingpin.
Next to this were a series of names, all but three of which had been scored through, criminals that had either been captured or killed; the remaining names had to be those of his lieutenants; identifiable only by their names and aliases; Elsa Diaz aka ‘Lady Butterfly’, Matt ‘the Mouse’ Milani and ‘Bruiser’ Karnak. “Who do we focus on?” asked Colin. Magni smiled, “Methinks this Mouse should be our initial target and work our way up.”
As though someone had just hit fast-forward on the television universe, they found themselves instantly transported to various locations around the city itself as they apparently investigated the Cayman’s gang. They were in downtown Tampa talking to several young prostitutes. A minute later, they were standing outside the manicured Tampa University campus talking to students before arresting some pimps before fast forwarding to slamming drug dealers into the hoods of muscle cars in the streets around the Performing Arts Centre. Next, they were taking down a drug dealer stalking kids at a bustling amusement park. The final scene before returning to the interview room of Tampa PD was a car chase after ‘Bruiser’ Karnak as he tried to flee only to have his tyres shot out (though it was unclear who took the shot!)
The scene resumed as the two of them could be seen leaving the room, a battered and bruised, heavily tattooed bodybuilder type lying semi-comatose and handcuffed across the table.
They had a location for ‘The Mouse’, Cayman’s accountant and they hoped that they would manage to find enough evidence to finally go after the Cayman himself. Once more, they found themselves transported instantaneously to covertly watching a seedy garage that was apparently some form of high value ‘chop shop’. The doors were open showing at least four enforcers playing cards and laughing close to the entrance, all of whom were armed.
Again, they heard the disembodied voice in their ear reminding them to stay in character or the “goddess would again freeze time and punish everyone.” The issue of course was that Magni had no idea what would be in character. Colin nodded and asked his partner if they had a warrant? Not knowing what this warrant was, Magni just said “We know that this Mouse should be inside, let’s go! I will have words with him.” To Colin’s dismay, he pulled out his badge as he strolled towards the entrance. Colin joined him as they saw their hands reach towards their guns but thankfully, no one pulled one out, yet!
As they entered the garage themselves, they saw a fifth man standing at the top of some metal steps that led up to a cabin located above the floor. What caught Colin’s attention though was an excess of telephone lines connected up to the cabin and he could see what looked like a large, boxy CRT monitor through the window that indicated that there was an old-fashioned (to them) computer inside, the type that ran on five and a quarter inch floppy disks. The shadowy outline of a skinny, small man in glasses could also be seen behind the monitor. If he was right, getting those disks might be the evidence they needed.
On the ground, Magni pointed at the men with their hands on the handles of their pistols, “That would be a bad idea. If you do that then I would be allowed to respond with deadly force.” Again, it was his voice but someone had dubbed what had come out of his mouth.
Magni did know that even in this world he was allowed to defend himself and if necessary, respond with reasonable force. They both walked casually forward, taking in the scenery, with Magni turning and heading toward the office. “Anyone in?” he asked as he ignored their panicked responses.
One of the men, smaller in stature than Magni, but built like a sumo wrestler with his naked torso and face covered in gangland tattoos, intercepted him and blocked his passage. “Unless you’ve got a warrant, this is as far as you go.” Magni gave him an intimidating stare as he quietly stated, “It would be wise for you to move aside.” He raised Aesir and lightning sparked and flared from its head in response. “It would be unwise to test my wrath.”
Again, the voice in his ear muttered with a sigh, “Never mind, we’ll fix in it the editing, I suppose. I could turn it into a prototype Taser? Shame it’s so big!”
Colin watched the confrontation and realised if this went the way he suspected it would, he would have three armed bozos to deal with while Magni dealt with his body builder. He saw one of his would-be opponents pull his gun out of his trouser pocket and start to raise it in his direction… Damn! Thankfully, they appeared reluctant to shoot a Police officer if they didn’t have to.
To his opponent’s surprise, Colin smiled and didn’t reach for his own pistol (supplied when he first arrived in this show) and instead calmly said in a very confident voice, “Just let us through.” The guy opposite hesitated for a second even as the body builder in front of Magni grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him towards him, “NO WARRANT, YOU DON’T GO ANY FURTHER! NOW GET OUT OF HERE!” he bellowed.
Magni looked at the massive fist that had grabbed him and felt a familiar rage. This troll with his tribal markings had dared to assault a son of Thor! He swung Aesir straight at his ribs. “It is unwise to test me, villain!” as his hammer connected and his opponent was sent flying and knocked him unconscious. The others responded by pulling out their guns and started to aim them at Colin and him.
Magni turned, “Are you sure you want to test my wrath?” Two of them hesitated at his unexpected bravado. Above him, another of the gang members stepped out of the office with some sort of branch-like projectile weapon. He heard Colin mutter and call it an Uzi, seemingly not a good thing going by the tone of his voice.
He saw Colin start to jump over the bonnet of one of the cars, heading towards him. One of the gang tried to stop him and Colin reached out, grabbed him by the neck and swung himself round him and on to the bonnet, only to be pulled back.
He landed on his feet in front of his opponent, pulled out his staff, fully extended it, then separated it into two equal parts and with his pair of escrima sticks, set about attacking his grabber.
He struck out at his head and temples and left him dazed and confused as he continued dodging his way towards the metal staircase.
The other two thugs on the ground started firing at them both. Colin weaved his way forward avoiding the shots while Magni spun Aesir like a rotating shield behind him and the bullet ricocheted. Above him, at the top of the steps, the man with the Uzi pulled the trigger and peppered the area in wild abandon. Magni was forced to dodge while Colin had a bullet skim his arm as he tried to close the distance to the bottom of the stairs. He pulled his bolos free and unleashed them as the man with Uzi above. They wrapped round his legs as he tried to step closer to the top of the stairs to get a better shot, stumbled and fell; his shots peppering the roof and entrance and taking out one of his own gang. He tumbled down the stairs out of control and landed awkwardly breaking his neck, the Uzi silent at last.
No time for self-incrimination, Colin rushed up the steps two at a time before the others by the entrance could properly target him. He was almost to the top when a man in rimless glasses sprinted from the office, with a box of floppy disks and a briefcase clutched to his chest. This had to be ‘Mouse’ if his nickname was accurate, he looked like an atypical accountant. He hoped to somehow bypass Colin on the stairs.
Down below, Magni grabbed the shaft of his hammer and pulled the strap off before hurling it at the accountant trying to push past Colin. The hammer hit ‘Mouse’ causing him to tumble down the remaining steps and knock him unconscious even as Magni rushed the remaining shooters on the ground. They both fired at him as he dodged both shots and closed into punching range with Colin passing him as he tossed his sticks at one of them but failed to disarm him. He responded with a shot that should have hit Colin if he hadn’t managed to roll behind an open car door. Magni was also being shot at by the other gang member but thankfully the bullet missed.
Before he could get off a second shot, he found himself being headbutted by an angry demi-god and dropped to the ground, even as his gun fell from his hand and slid underneath the chassis of a nearby car.
Colin’s opponent was firing wildly as he hit him in a double strike with his Escrima Sticks, leaving him to stagger back even as the other one tried to get back on his feet in front of Magni.
Magni let out a scream of total rage and rushed them both, punching out at one and swinging Aesir into the second, knocking them both unconscious.
Now they just had to figure out how to deal with the dead gangster without being temporarily suspended from duty. They walked over and picked up the accountant while Magni demanded to know where the one known as the Cayman could be found as Colin retrieved the box of floppy disks from where they had landed, having fallen from Mouse’s hands during his tumble. Handcuffed, he was lifted off the ground by Magni and carried one-handed towards the garage entrance and the arriving fleet of patrol cars gathering outside.
The scene blurred and again both of them appeared to be exiting the interrogation room in which sat a bruised and depressed Mouse. Seemed this part of television world wasn’t bothered about following protocol when it came to the deaths of criminals.
The character played by Bethany came over and confirmed that the information on the disks had unravelled the Cayman’s financial empire and provided enough evidence to warrant his arrest on multiple charges. They had his identity and his home address as well, a garish mansion located on the edge of the bay. Captain Torres had ordered half the department, including several heavily armed SWAT teams, to surround the mansion and arrest The Cayman.
Colin and Magni knew that there was no chance that Ces’ wouldn’t have realised by now that they had arrested Mouse and that he would eventually tell the police everything. That meant he would have already abandoned the mansion and would be seeking to flee the country, but he wouldn’t want to leave his wealth behind.
Mouse had mentioned that The Cayman also owned a warehouse, in the city’s heliport on the opposite side of the bay, by the docks, but it was about the only one of his many properties that Mouse didn’t know what was stored there, though it was heavy guarded at all times.
The scene changed again and they both found themselves hiding behind shipping containers and ziggurats of packing cases stacked up in the loading bay of a warehouse, a helicopter stood waiting only a hundred yards away while a number of armed men stood around as several locked crates were loaded on the helicopter. The crates must contain gold and currency, or possibly uncut drugs, Colin assumed.
“We must stop him before he sails to another settlement in that strange metal bird,” said Magni in what he thought was a whisper. Thankfully, the noise of the helicopter’s blades covered any other noise. They just had a small army of armed guards to deal with first.
They risked a glance and saw a familiar figure still in the warehouse wearing a shaggy yaks-skin coat. The Cayman was still here, good! They tried to get closer. If they wanted to get between them and the waiting helicopter then they would have to risk a hundred-metre dash across open space. Colin smiled and risked running towards the opposite side of the warehouse and the stacked crates waiting to be loaded into the ‘copter. He just wished he was wearing his costume and could just merge in to the scenery. He used the loaders as cover before sliding the last few yards into cover behind the stacked crates and searched in his pockets, hoping that Aité had decided to be ‘kind’ and left him his collection of bombs and toys.
He quickly searched his pockets and pulled out several bombs, selected one and lobbed it towards the entrance to the warehouse. The sleep pellet smashed and a milky gas spilled out and began to mix with the air. The warehouse staff immediately ran for it, even as the guards backed inside the entrance. Two of the guards got to the entrance and collapsed unconscious, having breathed in the fumes. Two more were trying to shake off the effect and were coughing even as they tried to aim their Uzi’s at the source of the projectile.
Magni used the distraction to run straight at the two guards intending to disarm them with Aesir; it was hammer time! He took a deep breath and dived into the fumes, hammer swinging. The first opponent went flying as shots fired from the other enforcers, still inside the warehouse. Colin was safe where he was but Magni was forced to dodge, slamming himself into the other guard and knocking him to the ground, even as a bullet skimmed his jacket.
Two more enforcers rushed out of the darkness of the warehouse, firing wildly. He dodged but one of them pulled out a blade and tried to slice at him with it. He parried and slammed the hammer down snapping the blade in two as the swing continued round and up knocking the shattered fragment into the stomach of one of the emerging guards. It was a glancing blow but he dropped his Uzi and turning, ran.
Ces’, as The Cayman, used the distraction to run as he headed with two bodyguards towards the waiting helicopter. It did mean two other enforcers were still left firing at them.
Colin stayed low and felt the bullets whizz overhead. Magni was also forced to drop to the ground as the bullets passed overhead. Magni responded by shouting, “What type of strange dragonfly creature is this, that men can travel in its belly?” as he unleashed a bolt of lightning from the head of Aesir, straight at its strange, spinning wings. It hit but the copter was already starting to lift off and the blast dissipated without doing any real damage. It did cause the pilot to drop back down onto the landing pad. It bounced before rising a few centimetres off the ground again.
Frustrated and disgusted at his failure to stop the metal dragonfly, he flung the hammer at The Cayman. It hit him on the back, knocking him to the ground unconscious before returning to his hand. Cayman’s men rallied round him, trying to load his unconscious body onto the copter.
Colin chucked a handful of sleep pellets at them, hoping the whirling blades wouldn’t dissipate the gas too quickly. It did affect them, but not enough to render them unconscious. Several shots were fired in Colin and Magni’s direction but the shooter’s disorientation meant none of the bullets hit.
Magni ran through the gas, throwing the hammer at one of the bodyguards. The first guard was sent flying into the chassis of the helicopter as Aesir returned to his hand before he swung it hard to hit the second guard in the chest. He collapsed, unable to get up.
He ran in then reached down and pulled The Cayman off the ground. Then the scene changed to the two of them walking away from the cells having just locked him up, the Captain congratulating them on a job well done.
Suddenly everything became static again even the police station faded then they found themselves in a near-deserted and brightly decorated downtown street that seemed too large, or perhaps they had shrunk? They had also physically changed so they seemed to be made of felt. They did feel an inexplicable need to educate young minds on the importance of handwashing and spelling. A street sign nearby read ‘Poppy Place’. Obviously a children’s programme of some sort.
Off to one side of the street, normal-sized and unchanged, stood Aité and Nikki. A pretty, young girl wearing a rainbow-coloured jumper with the name ‘Susi’ knitted on it was kneeling by an open manhole cover talking to a green fuzzy puppet. She turned and addressed the two of them, “Felix the Grump just said that there weren’t any words that start with the letter C! Isn’t that silly?” A compulsion to compete crawled over the two of them. She continued, “What words do you know that start with the letter C? I need you to help me educated Felix here.”
All Colin could think was Cayman. To his surprise, the illiterate Magni was offering several, including crocodile, combat and clash though he did include words that sounded like it should start with a C like sensible.
At which point they heard a deep sigh from Aité, “I outgrew this stuff millennia ago. Maybe some action will spice it up.” Booming footsteps could be heard behind them as a large letter C, apparently formed out of foam with human-looking legs, arms and face came into view shouting, “Crush, Clobber, Combat!” Magni smiled, “Combat at last, this should prove fun. Come cur, combat indeed.”
Felix pulled young Susi down the manhole and pulled the cover across as the Giant C tried to swipe at them and missed. “Curses!” it screamed. It clapped its two hands together and Colin and Magni felt like their eardrums were going to burst. Colin collapsed under the sonic attack, which left him staggered as well as deaf. Magni responded with a “Have at thee!” and ran in to pummel at it with his hammer. It bounced off its foam exterior. “Clobber!” it screamed as it tried to return the blow. He had to roll out of the way of its attack. It again tried to crush him by falling on top of him. He managed, just, to roll out of the way.
Colin could see Magni shouting something but his ears weren’t functioning. He hit out at his colossal opponent with his sticks but to no avail. The blows just bounced off. Magni unleashed a blast of flame from Aesir, hoping to melt it and end this conflict. The flame ignited his leg and it smouldered but did not burst into flames. He again clapped his hands together to create a sonic attack but it failed to stun him.
Colin clambered back onto his feet and continued to attack the C. He risked a glance over at Magni who seemed to be speaking but Colin couldn’t hear what was being said. Reading his lips, he appeared to be suggesting he confuse their opponent with words but he thought they needed to be words that started with a C for some reason.
So Magni thought that he had to confront it, confuse it with words and thereby lay his conundrum as he couldn’t think of a single word that began with the letter C. His mind was still both confused and completely blank.
Meanwhile, Magni was trying to remember words that might help, except he was illiterate and only knew words that sounded like it started with a C. He started shouting a cascade of comments and sentences that he hoped might confuse and confront the crazed creature.
Whatever Magni was shouting, Colin realised it seemed to be working. He fired his grapnel over a street lamp hoping to snag it as it closed in on him. It worked and he hit rewind hoping to haul him into the air. He was too heavy to raise off the ground but he had managed to contain it to the vicinity of the lamppost. Magni used the opportunity to summon forth another fiery attack on its limbs. The blast hit the imprisoned creature and flames began to spread up the side of the creature and black acrid smoke began to obscure their vision, but the battle wasn’t over yet.
Colin was still trying to haul it off the ground without success. Magni responded with another blast of fire combusting him into flames. As it turned to ash, they both heard Aité clapping and turned to face her. “I don’t think all that violence and mayhem was appropriate for all ages, you know!”
Aité was holding a 38-sided dice the size of a football in her hands. Each side was either numbered 1 or 2. “One more game to play. We need a finale, so either select a number or I’ll just randomly roll. One or two?”
“Two” they agreed after realising that choosing different numbers would likely in them being split up.
As they spoke, everything turned to static once more. When the static cleared they found themselves standing in the starship’s corridor of the Constellation, once more dressed in their space fleet uniforms while the lights above them flashed blood-red and a siren somewhere far away sounded, whooping a warning. At the far end of the corridor, they could see a squad of Andromedan cyborgs, marching in unison and turning a corner, heading away from them thankfully.
For once, there was no sign of Nikki or their tormentor.
It looked as if they had reappeared after the Andromedan’s had managed to board the ship. The emergency lights and warning siren seemed to back up that conclusion. They dodged out of sight just in case any of them looked back and discussed what to do next. Then a voice whispered in their ear and they smelt fishy breath on their cheeks. “You are close to the engine rooms. The deck crew have been imprisoned nearby. So far, the invaders have not managed to breach the civilian areas of the ship but it’s just a matter of time.”
So what now? Hide or attempt to retake the ship? They headed into the deserted engine rooms and went over to the nearest console. It was still active; no one had thought to lock down access. To Magni this looked like yet another of the strange scrying mirrors the Midgardians took for granted.
Colin reached over and tapped the screen trying to look as though he knew what he was doing. It worked. The console activated and Colin contacted the bridge but instead of Bethany or the deck crew all he saw was Ces’ in his “I’m an alien” makeup. “Ah, more survivors!” he said, “Give yourself up and you will be allowed to serve as part of the grand Andromedan Cyborg Army, fail to do so and you will be exterminated. My troops have taken over the bridge and it’s only a matter of time before we gain access to the colony section of the ship and start to harvest. Your internal shields will not hold forever. Most of your bridge crew are already captives and in the brig next to the engine room. You have no chance against my troops. Surrender or die!”
Colin cut the communication link with a smile. In reality no one would willingly give their opponents that much information. The show was obviously nearing the episode conclusion. Clearly, they were expected to free the rest of the crew. Magni whispered to Colin, “Can you make the Tele-Vis-Eon device tell us where this brig is?”
Colin nodded “We can try” as he again started pressing random sections of the screen, hoping the producers would reveal a map. As he suspected the screen cleared to show a floor plan of the ship.
The brig was about four doors down from their current location in a corridor that ran parallel to the one they had arrived in. Thankfully, most of the invading troops were busy trying to breach the shields that protected the colony section of the ship or trying to gain access to the ship’s controls.
They walked across the room, activated the thankfully silent door and saw that the door they wanted had four cyborgs standing guard outside armed with blaster rifles. Magni smiled, he liked their odds. Colin smiled at his companions’ enthusiasm and muttered, “Looks like it’s clobbering time!”
Colin, his hearing restored and fully healed, was about to lean out when Magni interrupted him, “I want to try something.” Colin nodded. He jumped into the corridor and unleashed the power of the All-Father through Aesir at them hoping to arc the lightning to each in turn. The lightning shot out of the head of the hammer and struck the first guard but only hit a glancing blow as it blew out the servos in her arm, The lightning then arced towards the other three guards. It missed one of them, dazed another and dropped the remaining sentry to the ground. Their cyborg components had to be shielded against electrical discharges and EMP.
Colin followed up by extending his Bo staff and struck out at one of the sentry’s – knocking him to the ground with his companion. One of them fired his blaster at Magni as he run forward and threw himself to the floor. Another fired and hit Colin in the arm, leaving him dazed with a cauterised wound. The remaining guard fired at Magni’s prone body, missed but peppered him with molten fragments. He bounced to his feet and rushed, in a berserker mood, at the undamaged cyborg and slammed him to the ground with a single blow that rendered him unconscious and inoperable.
Colin slammed his Bo into the box-like panel on the side of the next Cyborg’s head and sent her communications unit flying. She responded by unleashing a spear tip from her wrist and trying to jam the stiletto-like blade into Colin’s eye. He dodged and snapped the blade loose. The other cyborg tried to fire directly at Magni only for him to use one of the others as a shield. It still grazed his ribs though. Magni responded by an overhead slam with Aesir in an overhead swing and it knocked it to the ground dead or unconscious. They could hear the synchronised running of more cyborgs heading their direction. Seems one of the cyborgs must have reported their attack before being defeated; it was fight or flee time. Magni smashed his hammer into the chest of the remaining cyborg and rendered him completely incapacitated.
Colin immediately tried to bypass the lock on the door to release the bridge crew. He slammed his staff into the panel and was rewarded with the door slid open and Bethany and the rest of the crew poured out. Several immediately headed towards a nearby storage area and began accessing weapons as four of the crew picked up the cyborg’s discarded blaster rifles and started firing at the Andromendans.
Before Colin and Magni could get involved further, the light changed once more and they found themselves standing once more in the corridor of the school in their school uniforms. No time seemed to have passed and everyone was as they had been before except for Andrea (who was now back on the ground standing in front of the fire exit) – Only Aité was unfrozen, however.
“That was fun,” she said. “That was alright I guess, maybe you’ll get a spin-off of your own someday. I’m going to leave now, and as a reward I’ll leave the girl… and my prizes on the walls.” They noticed the two cylinders stuck to either wall were still glowing bright red.
“Be seeing you boys,” she said as she and the gremlins vanished. Time resumed, with the cylinders clearly counting down to something.
The rest of the students continued running away
They had to disarm them and their beeping was getting faster. Magni tried to rip one off the wall. It didn’t budge so he tried using everything he had and managed to rip it and a large chunk of plaster loose from the wall. He then hurled it through the open fire door, hoping no one was close by when it went off. Meanwhile, Colin snapped open his Bo staff and wedged it into the side of the cylinder as he levered it free from the wall. He, too, tried to throw it through the fire door but it fell short and exploded in a cloud of smoke. Silver streamers erupted as now-familiar female laughter filled the corridor.
Unfortunately, in Ces’ eyes Audrey had just been outed as a mutie and he clearly wasn’t sure what to make of Magni who was holding a big metal hammer he hadn’t had a second or two before. Magni turned and looked at him intimidatingly and scowled. Despite only being 15, Magni stood over two metres tall and was muscular from a lifetime of physical exertion. Ces’ looked away and left quickly. He knew he would come off worse if he pushed the issue here and now. He backed off muttering “I bet he’s one too…”
The streamers were all over and around the fire door and its alarm was sounding to inform staff someone had opened it. Should they wait, or should they go?
It had been a long day and they didn’t want to waste any more time trying to explain the impossible and indescribable to the teachers. Not sure that there was anything they could do about having a goddess of mischief on school property anyway. They both walked out the open fire door, avoiding being tangled in the streamers and headed to their dorm.
Growing up Meta, UK-Style! 